In the last decade, there has been increased awareness regarding ADHD, and it has helped so many people finally understand and accept themselves. That old image of the ADHD “hyperactive little boy” problem is rapidly fading, with that understanding shifting to one in which it is regarded as a serious, lifelong condition that affects many individuals. So many who had been missed as kids are now getting the validation they need—to realise all their struggles weren’t due to personal failings after all. We’re also starting to appreciate the positive aspects of ADHD, like creative thinking and intense focus.
The clinical definition
ADHD is a neuro-developmental disorder that stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and is marked by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. These symptoms, in adults, can result in relationship problems, work struggles, and difficulties in daily functioning. ADHD is one of the most common mental health disorders, affecting 2.5% of the adult population worldwide.
ADHD in everyday life and relationships
Whereas nowadays much is spoken about ADHD, very little is known in relation to its effects on romantic relationships, especially when there is a case of one partner having ADHD while another one does not. Given that healthy relationships are an important ingredient for good quality of life, research has proven that adults with ADHD are frequently challenged by supporting long-term and stable partnerships. Despite this, there is little focus on what causes these difficulties or how to prevent them.
Having a partner with ADHD can bring excitement and creativity to a relationship, but it also introduces unique challenges. Studies show that ADHD often contributes to problems in communication, satisfaction, and intimacy. Interestingly, the attachment style of both partners plays a big role in how these challenges are managed. For example, partners with secure attachment styles tend to handle conflicts more calmly, while those with avoidant or anxious styles may struggle more.
As always, addressing past relational issues is important, as it will improve the quality of relationships and build more compassion and understanding between the two partners. This will improve conflict resolution and in turn increase overall positive communication, satisfaction and intimacy.
So, what can you do to improve your relationship when ADHD or ADHD-like symptoms are involved?
First of all, get assessed. On many occasions, ADHD shares symptoms with other mental health issues such as anxiety and depression; so understanding what you’re dealing with is key.
Communication is crucial. If your partner has ADHD, speaking up when their behaviour affects the relationship may help them be more aware and improve things between you.
Educate yourselves about ADHD. More often than not, understanding opens doors to acceptance and helps in addressing other issues related to attachment or past trauma.
Recognise the challenges faced by the non-ADHD partner. They often bear extra responsibilities and stress. Acknowledging their efforts and teaching them some coping mechanisms might strengthen the relationship. Certain stages in a relationship, like raising kids, can be particularly tough for couples dealing with ADHD. Support in managing child behaviour can ease strain on the relationship.
Ultimately, the overarching advise is to seek support. Medication can help reduce ADHD symptoms, but it’s not a cure-all. Individual and couple support is essential to managing ADHD effectively and improving your relationship.

About the Author
Jeanette is a trauma-informed psychologist and psychotherapist. Alongside her therapeutic work, Jeanette has expertise in conducting personality assessments .
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